Desperate Housewives/Crime Doesn't Pay

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Crime Doesn't Pay
Season 5, Episode 16
Airdate March 8, 2009
Production Number 516103
Written by Jamie Gorenberg
Directed by Larry Shaw
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In a World Where the Kings Are Employers
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The Story of Lucie and Jessie
Desperate HousewivesSeason Five
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Crime Doesn't Pay is the sixteenth episode of the fifth season of Desperate Housewives, and episode one hundred and three overall.

Starring: Teri Hatcher (Susan), Felicity Huffman (Lynette), Marcia Cross (Bree), Eva Longoria Parker (Gaby), Nicollette Sheridan (Edie), Ricardo Antonio Chavira (Carlos), Doug Savant (Tom), Kyle MacLachlan (Orson), Dana Delany (Katherine), Neal McDonough (Dave), Shawn Pyfrom (Andrew), Brenda Strong (Mary Alice), James Denton (Mike)

Also Starring: Charlie Carver (Porter), Max Carver (Preston), Joshua Logan Moore (Parker), Kendall Applegate (Penny)

Guest Starring: (in credits order) Kathryn Joosten (Karen), David Starzyk (Bradley), Ion Overman (Maria), Christopher Rich (Bruce), Megan Hilty (Shayla), Don Moss (Father Drance)


Plot Overview


Arc Advancement





The Show

Behind the Scenes

Allusions and References

Memorable Moments


  • Lynette: [to guy] I think you better stop with the bargain hunting unless you want your face to match the oven and the dishwasher.
  • Edie: And abnormal. Hey Gaby, remember when I was with Carlos?
    Gaby: Shut it, bitch.
    Edie: See? That's normal.
  • Maria: How many Shaylas do you know?
    Gaby: Two, two...there's uh Shayla the hairstylist, and then there's this other Shayla I know who's a homewrecking whore.
  • Gaby: Double or nothing McCluskey slugs someone by 5.
  • Lynette: I vividly remember yesterday and I wasn't born during it.