King of the Hill/Dale to the Chief

Dale to the Chief
Season 9, Episode 5
Airdate	January 30, 2005
Production Number	9ABE02
Written by	Garland Testa
Directed by	Anthony Lioi
← 9x04 Yard, She Blows!	9x06 → The Petriot Act
King of the Hill — Season Nine

Dale to the Chief is the fifth episode of the ninth season of King of the Hill, and the one hundred seventy-sixth episode overall.

Starring: Mike Judge (Hank Hill, Boomhauer), Kathy Najimy (Peggy Hill), Pamela S. Adlon (Bobby Hill, Amalia), Brittany Murphy (credit only), Johnny Hardwick (Dale Gribble, Conspiracy Theorist Dylan), Stephen Root (Bill Dauterive, Mailman, Dr. Sampson)

Also Starring: Ashley Gardner (Nancy Gribble, Female DPS Employee), Ernie Grunwald (Male DPS Employee), Scott Klace (Gerald), Phil LaMarr (Conspiracy Theorist #1, Police Officer), Breckin Meyer (Joseph Gribble)

Plot Overview

Dale learns he was wrong about the JFK assassination, causing him to rethink the government and become a patriot.

Meanwhile, Hank becomes frustrated when his new driver's license lists the wrong gender and can't simply get it corrected.

Notes

Stinger Quote

Bobby: (imitating Hank) Where did I put my panty hose?

Music

• Lee Greenwood - "God Bless the U.S.A."

Quotes

• Bill: Here comes the mail! I wonder if I got anything! (deflated) I'm not gonna get anything.

• Hank: I sure hope my new driver's license finally shows up. I hear the new security holograms are outstanding.

• Dale: I'll tell you why your license is taking so long. The U.S. Postal Service is bogged down in the most elaborate psy-ops campaign in history. First, they fatten us up with all those two-for-one pizza coupons. Then when we're too logy to put up a fight, they sell us off to the Red Cross who removes our kidneys which go back on the pizzas to start the process all over again.

Hank: Did you mean for all those words to come out together or did they just fall out randomly?

• Hank: But what if I died in some car accident and because of my license, they put me in the ladies' morgue? You can bet that'd wind up on the news.

• Dale: (to Joseph) How about I read you a story? Just like I used to before you got a moustache and became so frightening.

• Hank: Nancy says that Dale's really upset about this Kennedy thing. We should probably talk to him. At least get him to put on some pants.

• Bill: So now you love the government?

Dale: Give me liberty or give me death! But only the kind of liberty you find in a controlled, well-regulated society.

Hank: Uh, we are talking about the U. S. government, right? Not another one you made up with your buddies from the gun club?

• Dale: Look at this. "Government warning: cigarettes cause cancer." Only a true friend tells you the stuff you don't want to hear.

Hank: I could've told you that, Dale.

Dale: But you didn't, did you?

Bill: Shame on you, Hank.

• Bill: You really think Hank's a woman? Not just your ideal of what a perfect woman would be?

• Hank: I have proven I can kick your ass while standing on a ladder!

• Dale: He's a threat to the government! The one that makes sure my air is clean and that my food has only an acceptable amount of rat faeces in it.

• Dale: Listen, I've never been able to say this in my whole life, but as of 2 p. m. yesterday, I am a taxpayer! And I demand $36 worth of service!

• Dale: I'm your worst nightmare! I have a three-line phone and nothing at all to do with my time!

• Dale: But I have to ask you a tough question: Hank Hill, are you a man?

Hank: Yes, Dale, I'm a man.

Dale: Okay. I'm willing to take that on faith. Here's what still puzzles me, though. If you are a man, then the government is wrong.

Hank: Uh-huh.

Dale: But if the government is right and you really are a woman, they shouldn't have caved so easily. That shows lack of conviction.

Hank: Yeah, that's a tough one, all right.

Dale: Huh. I got some thinkin' to do.