Mr. Meaty/Hamish

Hamish
Season 1, Episode 4A
Airdate	October 13, 2006
Written by	Jason Hopley
Directed by	Jason Hopley
← 1x03B Moochmaster P.	1x04B → Tater Turf
Mr. Meaty — Season One

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Hamish is part of the fourth episode of the first season of Mr. Meaty, and the fourth episode overall.

Guest Stars:

Plot Overview

During the premiere of Star Raiders IV, Josh meets a girl called Goth Girl and ditches Parker to go watch the movie with her. So an angry Parker decides to make a better friend; however, after many people refuse to be Parker's new friend, he finally decides to create one of his own. He names him Hamish, since his head is made of ham. Parker and Hamish then go to the movie theater to harass Josh and Goth Girl.

Trivia

Allusions and References

• The Star Raiders movies and the stormtrooper-like ushers are based on the Star Wars franchise.

Quotes

Josh Redgrove: [Tapping Parker on the shoulder] Parker.

Parker Dinkleman: Hmm?

Josh Redgrove: Parker. Uh, a "goth-pportunity" is knocking in. I'm gonna answer that, okay? So, take care of yourself. [Places his hand on Parker's shoulder and leaves]

Parker Dinkleman: Wait-- okay fine! That's fine! You just go! That's great! 'Cause you know I just asked you to the movies 'cause I felt sorry for you!

Josh Redgrove: Whatever.

Parker Dinkleman: I've got a million friends I can go see this movie with! Do you hear me?! A MILLION!!!

---

[Josh and Goth Girl are at the theater]

Goth Girl: You know, I really hope this movie isn't violent, because if there's one thing I don't like... [Sits down] ...It's violence.

Josh Redgrove: Oh yeah. [Sits down] Well, actually, I think it's a romance... with lasers.

Goth Girl: Oh. Well then I'm glad I'm seeing it with you, Josh.

Josh Redgrove: [Thinking] I am so smooth.

---

[During one of the interviews]

Parker Dinkleman: [Sees Josh leaning against the wall] Oh! This is my-- this is my best friend Josh. [Points at Josh] Uh, he said he was too cool to wear a diaper, but I guess you weren't so cool last year, huh, Josh?!

[The camera gets a close-up of Josh]

Josh Redgrove: Uhh... [Points at Parker] I have no idea who this guy is.

[Parker scoffs in disbelief]

---

Parker Dinkleman: Oh, that's hilarious, Hamish! You are so much funnier than Josh!

[A man shushes him]

Josh Redgrove: Just stop, okay? Your friend isn't real. He's made of ham.

Parker Dinkleman: Don't listen to him, Hamish. [Runs up to Josh and talks in his ear] Josh's feeble mind cannot comprehend the concept of best friends having fun together!

[Parker goes back to his seat]

Parker Dinkleman: Huh? [Puts his ear close to Hamish; then he nods his head] I agree. You want me to tell him? Okay. [To Josh] HAMISH SAID THAT YOU-- [Runs up to Josh and talks in his ear] Hamish said that your shirts aren't nearly as cool than he thinks they are.

[Parker goes back to his seat and hums; Josh turns around and stares at him angrily]

Parker Dinkleman: What? Take a picture, it'll last longer.

[Parker sits with his hands on his legs and his head up; Josh shakes his head in turns back around to watch the movie]

Parker Dinkleman: [Whispering; to Hamish] All right, move your arm. [Grabs Hamish's arm] Man it's so funny!

[Parker sticks Hamish's arm out and starts poking Josh with it; Josh turns around and growls in frustration; Parker then sticks Hamish's arm out again and starts poking Josh and Goth Girl with it; Josh turns around and sighs angrily]

Josh Redgrove: Quit it, Parker!

Parker Dinkleman: I didn't do anything! It's Hamish! [Points at Hamish]

Goth Girl: I have chicken finger crumbs in my hair.

Josh Redgrove: Whoever it is, if you don't stop right now, I'm gonna lay down the Spock!

Parker Dinkleman: [To Hamish] Hmm? [Bursts ou laughing] Hamish just called you a nimrod! [Points at Hamish; Josh gasps in shock] Good one, Hamish!

[Josh does a Karate yell; Parker gets up out of his seat and runs away]

Parker Dinkleman: Run, Hamish! Run!

[Josh jumps on Hamish and starts beating him up]

---

[Goth Girl walks by]

Josh Redgrove: Hey!

Goth Girl: Oh. Oh, hi.

Josh Redgrove: Hey.

Goth Girl: Hey.

Josh Redgrove: [To Parker] What'd she say?

Goth Girl: I said, "Hey."

Josh Redgrove: Oh. Hey.

Goth Girl: Hey.

---

Parker Dinkleman: Well, ya know what? I am so stoked to be here with you, best bud Hamish! And you know it's so nice to have a loyal friend like you who wouldn't ditch me for a girl like someone else!

[Josh slowly turns around]

Parker Dinkleman: You're right, Hamish! The guy in front of us does have a big, dumb head! We can move if you want.

Josh Redgrove: Parker.

Parker Dinkleman: Oh! [Josh nods his head] Josh! What a surprise! I didn't know you were coming to this movie!

Josh Redgrove: Yes, you did. [Turns around]

Parker Dinkleman: Oh. Let me introduce my new best friend Hamish! Hamish, this is Josh.

[Josh turns back around and sighs in frustration]

Parker Dinkleman: [Laughs] Yes. The backstabbing loser I told you about from my past!

Josh Redgrove: You're a freak, Parker. [Turns back around]

---

[After Goth Girl leaves]

Josh Redgrove: Whoa! Did you see that?! She's totally into me!

Parker Dinkleman: Um, Josh? [Josh turns to face Parker] Uh, you may have forgot, but we, like, planned this, like, 2 star cycles ago!

Josh Redgrove: Oh, come on, Parker. Have a heart. I've been waiting to go on a date with that girl for, like-- for, like, ever!

Parker Dinkleman: Okay. [Puts his finger in Josh's face] Get this through your very sick and greasy skull, okay? You're not going to the movies with her because you're going with me! You know why? Because I'm your best friend, okay? And I-- I forbid you to have any other friends, do you hear me?! Forbid you!

[Parker turns around to face a man]

Parker Dinkleman: You!

[Parker pushes the man into the dumpster; the man groans in pain]

Parker Dinkleman: You stay away! He's my best friend! Do you hear me?! My best friend!

---

Parker Dinkleman: [To Josh; outside the theater, where they got thrown out by the guards] Hamish said he's sorry for calling you names and also, you can have me back as my best friend IF... you apologize for ditching me.

[Josh sighs in frustration]

Josh Redgrove: I apologize for ditching you, Parker.

Parker Dinkleman: Apology accepted! All right!

---

Josh Redgrove: I really like your freaky hair. It's all... freaky.

[Annoyed, Parker facepalms himself]

Goth Girl: Thanks. I, uh, I like your cool T-shirt. It's cooler than the one you wore yesterday.

Parker Dinkleman: Okay. Thank you very much, but Josh and I are a little busy here waiting, so it was nice talking to you though. [Nodding his head] Goodbye. See ya. Mm-hmm.

Goth Girl: Uh, Josh?

Josh Redgrove: Yeah?

Goth Girl: I'm actually in front of line. [Points] Why don't you uh, see Star Raiders with me?

Josh Redgrove: [Excited] Totally!

Goth Girl: Wicked! I'll see you there.

Josh Redgrove: Okay.

Goth Girl: Okay.

Josh Redgrove: Okay.

Goth Girl: Okay.

[She leaves]

---

[After Josh leaves Parker to go watch Star Raiders IV with Goth Girl]

Parker Dinkleman: [To the man whom he yelled at] Hey you.

[He walks up to him]

Parker Dinkleman: Do you wanna be my best friend?

Man: Don't touch me! DON'T TOUCH ME! [Runs off]

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