Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip/The Cold Open

The Cold Open
Season 1, Episode 2
Airdate	September 25, 2006
Production Number	102
Written by	Aaron Sorkin
Directed by	Thomas Schlamme
← 1x01 Pilot	1x03 → The Focus Group
Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip — Season One

The Cold Open is the second episode of the first season of Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip, and the second episode overall. After Jordan raised the bar for Matt and Danny's first show at a press conference, the two attempt to cobble together a show worthy of the hype starting with the Cold Open.

Guest Stars: Ayda Field (Jeanie Whatley), Simon Helberg (Alex Dwyer), Wendy Phillips (Shelley), Diana-Maria Riva (Lilly Rodriguez), Merritt Wever (Suzanne), Margaret Easley, Scott Klace, Kimberly Huie (Jane), John Mahon

Plot Overview

Beginning the Monday after the events of the pilot when Matt and Danny were hired onto the show as its producers, Jordan McDeere has held a press conference in order to introduce the two once again and have them field any questions for the press about the show and why they've decided to come back after being gone for so many years. All goes well until Danny admits that he failed his drug test and can't make Matt's movie about Nikola Tesla. Jordan makes things slightly worse by making a drug joke afterwards. Danny also mentions that they indeed have a sketch called "Crazy Christians" to a woman from Rapture magazine, which manages to further spoil the network's hopes of an uneventful conference.

After the conference, Danny confronts Jordan about raising the bar for their first show so high. She tells them to deal with it and Matt decides that he needs to come up with a good solid cold opening. In the studio Danny and Matt argue over who will get Wes' office (neither wants it) until Matt begrudgedly accepts, a decision he regrets after seeing the clock counting down until the next show.

The two split up to meet with the writers room and the cast. Matt is left with the daunting task of coordinating writers brought in by Ricky and Ron. While he works with them, Danny meets with the cast to let them know that there will be cuts and new blood will be brought in. He warns them that if they don't do their best and if they annoy the producers, they'll be put at the top of the cut list. He also announces that the first show will be hosted by Mark Wahlberg with The White Stripes as a musical guest. During a conversation about whether or not Matt should be active so soon after his surgery, Jeanie lets slip that she saw Matt working out the morning prior, which sets off Harriet. At the end of the meeting, Simon asks Danny about the season premiere (even though he knows that Danny hasn't watched the show since he left).

Meanwhile, in the writers room, Matt struggles with hackneyed political sketch ideas about the president. He attacks the writers about being unprofessional in their style of dress and writing. He attempts to instill a sense of intelligence in the room but fails when Harriet bursts in and insults him in front of the writers. They argue about Matt's relationship with Jeanie, but nothing is quite resolved.

In Jack Rudolph's office, Jordan meets Peter Goldman from affiliate relations and Joe Reardon from sales, who warn her about problems with an affiliate from Terre Haute. The affiliate is threatening to drop the show for the night unless "Crazy Christians" is pulled indefinitely. When told to make Matt and Danny cut the sketch, Jordan refuses and tells them that she's not going to break her first promise to them.

Back at the studio, things aren't going well. The writing has hit a snag and there is no production to be had due to the lack of complete sketches. Jack White, the singer and guitarist for the White Stripes, has acute tonsillitis and is backing out of the show, leaving them with no musical guest. After the production meeting, Simon confronts Danny about what he said the other day about the season premiere and argue about whether or not he made the right choice of standing by Matt and not the show.

In Matt's new office, they attempt to figure out what the opening will be. Matt lists that it should be a grand message from the producers, maybe a big musical number. They keep talking until Cal says, "We'll be model citizens," leading Matt to a parody of a Gilbert and Sullivan song that makes fun of the show and themselves. Danny asks Jane to book John Mauceri and the West Coast Philharmonic and the L.A. Light Opera Chorus instead of wasting her time on Clay Aiken. With this newly found inspiration, the producers and the big three cast members barricade themselves in Matt's office to write the show.

On Friday night, between two and three hundred protesters have gathered outside of the studio due to the "Crazy Christians" sketch. In Matt's office, he essentially admits that he's still in love with Harriet and backstage, Jeanie apologizes to Harriet for blurting out her comment about Matt from earlier in the week (to which Harriet responds by hitting her over the head with a bottle made out of brittle prop glass). In make-up, Danny and Simon hash out the problem they had earlier in the week as well, which was ultimately Simon fearing for his job because he can't do the impressions that Ricky and Ron demanded that he learned. Danny reassures Simon that he's not going to be fired and that they're starting over with Simon doing what he's good at (including co-anchoring the news starting with the next show). The "show" opens with the cast singing the dramatic Gilbert & Sullivan parody, which the episode ends on.

Notes

Music

• "Model of a Modern Network TV Show" by D.L. Hughley, Sarah Paulson, Nate Corddry et al.: The opening musical number which serves as the cold open to Matt and Danny's first episode of Studio 60. Although the lyrics are original (see below), the tune is from the song "The Major-General's Song" (a.k.a. "I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major-General") from the musical play The Pirates of Penzance by W.S. Gilbert and Arthur Sullivan.

Host/Musical Guest

• The first Studio 60 episode with Matt and Danny at the helm was originally meant to feature Mark Wahlberg as the host and The White Stripes as the musical guest. When the White Stripes backed out due to acute tonsillitis, the show went a completely different way and picked up John Mauceri and the West Coast Philharmonic and the L.A. Light Opera Chorus.

Line-Up

• The cards on the board schedule the show's sketches as follows (in chronological order):
  • Very Model
  • MW Monologue
  • Centaur the Courier
  • Comm. 1
  • Crazy Christians
  • Jamaican BBQ Hut
  • Comm. 2
  • 70's Family
  • Mannequin Robinson
  • Ballerina Tryouts
  • Comm. 3
  • L.A. Light Opera Chorus
  • News 60
  • Madonna Inn
  • Comm. 4
  • Julia Child's Child
  • Commedia Dell'arte
  • In Line @ Club
  • Station Break
  • Happytown
  • Comm. 5
  • L.A. Opera Chorus
  • Comm. 6
  • Dig Dim Sum
  • Shoulder Parrot
  • Comm. 7
  • Beating Up Rudy
  • Good Nights

The sketches posted to the board but not in the show's line-up include Matador Bank Teller, Tenth Grade, Vacuum Championship, and ??AT 2500. The colors seem to indicate writers for the sketches, yellow certainly being Matt. Special segments like musical performances and the news are marked in red and purple, respectively, while unmovable elements like the monologue and commercials are marked in white.

Model of a Modern Network TV Show Lyrics

We'll be the very model of a modern network TV show
Each time that we walk into this august and famous studio.
We're starting out from scratch after our run of 20 years—And so
We hope that you don't mind that our producer was caught doing blow.

[Chorus]
We hope that you don't mind that their producer was caught doing blow.
We hope that you don't mind that their producer was caught doing blow.
We hope that you don't mind that their producer was caught doing lots of blow.

Yes, it's hard to be a player when at heart you've always had a hunch
To bite the hand that feeds you is a scary way of doing lunch
But still—when we walk into this august and famous studio
We'll be the very model of a modern network TV show.

[Chorus]
But still when they walk into this august and famous studio
They'll be the very model of a modern network TV show.

I am a Christian, tried and true, baptized at age 11, so,
Unlike the liberals, gays and Jews, I'm going straight to heaven. But
If you feel you've been cheated and our sordid content lets you down
We'll happily do the favor of an intellectual reacharound.

[Chorus]
They'll happily do the favor of an intellectual reacharound.
They'll happily do the favor of an intellectual reacharound.
They'll happily do the favor of a hundred dollar hooker's reacharound.
Harriet: That wasn't the same thing we said!
They'll happily do the favor of a verbal euphemistic reacharound.

We know that Evangelicals are lining up to tag our toe
And then the corporations will not hesitate to pull their dough
But still—when we walk into this august and famous studio
We'll be the very model of a modern network TV show.

[Chorus]
But still when they walk into this august and famous studio
They'll be the very model of a modern network TV show.
But still when they walk into this august and famous studio
They'll be the very model of a modern network TV show.

Arc Advancement

Characters

• Matt and Danny: The movie that Matt and Danny were set to make prior to Danny failing his drug test was a film about the famed inventor, Nikola Tesla. Jordan mentions briefly in her introduction that Matt was a staff writer and Danny was a segment producer on the show nine years prior.

• Simon: Starting with the following week's show, Simon has been bumped up to anchor the News segment (entitled 60 News). Previously, he had been asked by Ricky and Ron to learn how to do voices for their sketches. Simon auditioned for the part of Willie Beamen in Any Given Sunday [1], but lost the part to Jamie Foxx.

Referbacks

• 1x01 - Pilot: This episode takes place the Monday after Wes Mendell's meltdown. As such, several key moments from the previous episode are mentioned, like the meltdown itself, the sketch that was cut and Danny's drug problem.

Trivia

The Show

• Affiliates: Terre Haute, IN (Television Broadcast Market #151), Missoula, MT (#168), Twin Falls, ID (#191), Oklahoma City, OK (#45) and Little Rock/Pine Bluff, AR (#57) all dropped the show for the night as well as four local sponsors and three national sponsors. Jordan comments that if the ratings go up, she'll let the sponsors buy spots again, but at a price hike of 20%.
• Look Closely: Just before Matt and Danny enter the studio after their press conference, a banner above the entrance has the names of the first three episodes' guests: Felicity Huffman and Three 6 Mafia, Mark Wahlberg and The White Stripes and [SPOILER - hover to reveal] Rob Reiner and Gwen Stefani.
• Look Closely: In the minutes before the show begins, a sign can be seen on a set: "Jamaican Me Crazy B-B-Q." This relates to one of the sketches in the line-up.

Behind the Scenes

• Tesla Call: Matt and Danny's movie was supposed to be about inventor Nikola Tesla. In real life, Aaron Sorkin and Thomas Schlamme are going to do a play about television inventor Philo T. Farnsworth.

Allusions and References

• The Mary Tyler Moore Show: Jack and Jordan quote a famous line from the first episode of the Mary Tyler Moore show, entitled Love is All Around, in which Mary Richards met Lou Grant, the lead producer for WJM-TV, for the first time.

Jack: You know what Mary? You've got spunk. I hate spunk.

Memorable Moments

• After giving Harriet a heartfelt apology about bringing up her relationship with Matt in the middle of the cast meeting earlier in the week, Jeanie is hit over the head with a prop bottle by Harriet. The bottle shatters and Jeanie doesn't flinch.

Quotes

• Matt: (About a countdown clock in Wes' office) Oh man, no wonder he went crazy. How did it know?
  Danny: How'd it know what?
  Matt: Exactly how much time was left in the week.
  Danny: Yeah, it's a miracle of technology that we've invented. An electronic device that can count backwards from seven.
  Matt: But it was off.
  Danny: ...It has a battery.
  Matt: So, it always knows.
  Danny: Don't endow the thing with special powers, Matt. It's a clock.

• Simon: Look, can he sit in a chair? Because eight days after I had the surgery, I still couldn't make it from the bedroom to the kitchen without a damn epidural and I'm an athelete.
  Tom: You are?
  Simon: I played football in college, I play golf every Sunday.
  Tom: The Yale School of Drama had a tough team to beat?
  Simon: Intramural flag football. Anyway, he's telling people that he can do 40 leg-lifts with 30-pound weights. I say he's a liar and I challenge him to a contest of physical supremecy.

• Danny: How's it going?
  Matt: Good. Can the White Stripes play for an hour and a half?

• (Tom walks into Matt's office wearing a black wig and a fake mustache)
  Tom: Check it out!
  Matt: What... are you?
  Tom: Danny said that you were choking. And Harriet and I have a White Stripes impression if you want to write a sketch.
  Danny: I didn't say you were choking. And we don't have the White Stripes.
  Tom: Really?
  Danny: Yeah.
  Tom: Then I'm just a guy in a wig?
  Matt: Yeah.