King of the Hill/To Kill a Ladybird

To Kill a Ladybird
Season 4, Episode 9
Airdate	December 12, 1999
Production Number	4ABE07
Written by	Norm Hiscock
Directed by	Wes Archer
← 4x08 Not in My Back-Hoe	4x10 → Hillennium
King of the Hill — Season Four

To Kill a Ladybird is the ninth episode of the fourth season of King of the Hill, and the sixty-ninth episode overall.

Starring: Mike Judge (Hank Hill, Boomhauer), Kathy Najimy (Peggy Hill), Pamela Segall Adlon (Bobby Hill), Brittany Murphy (Luanne Platter), Joseph Gribble, Johnny Hardwick (Dale Gribble)

and Stephen Root (Bill Dauterive)

Also Starring: Ashley Gardner (Nancy Gribble), David Herman (Big Terry), Jonathan Joss (John Redcorn)

Plot Overview

Bobby befriends a raccoon. However, when it attacks Ladybird, Hank fears she may have rabies. As does Dale.

Notes

Stinger Quote

Dale: So long, suckers!

Seen, But Not Heard

• Kahn Souphanousinphone

• Minh Souphanousinphone

• Connie Souphanousinphone

Trivia

Allusions and References

• The title of the episode is a play on the 1960 Harper Lee novel To Kill a Mockingbird.

Memorable Moments

• Hank finds Bandit in his garage and goes to kill the "furry bastard" when it rises up, sending him out the door, only to retrieve the bag of dog food and let out "bastard" behind the closed door.

• When the raccoon attacks the guys, Hank readies to throw his beer, but pauses and decides instead to throw his pocket change at it, which Dale proceeds to pick up off the ground.

• Dale crawls under the house to get the raccoon, making sure Hank agrees that no matter what, he doesn't take the screen off. Only moments later for Dale to plead and scream for Hank to take it off. Hank eventually relents and opens it. Dale emerges and chides Hank for screwing up the "one little thing" he was asked to do.

• After having no luck finding Ladybird, Hank goes into the garage, turns on several tools, and we hear him cry behind the garage door.

Goofs

• When Ladybird and Bandit face off, Bobby's black shoes are now brown as they were earlier in the scene.

Quotes

• Hank: Take it easy on Ladybird, Bobby. She's ninety-one years old in dog years. Each time she fetches, it's like seven fetches for you or me.

• Bobby: What a crime! If you are not a hungry man, Luanne, you shouldn't be taking on the Hungry Man Dinner.

• Hank: (scoffs) Fish. (scoffs) Snakes. Yup, a dog's the only animal that makes sense. And I suppose a cat might work, if you're a little girl or an old lady, you know, who's sick.

• Bobby: Can I buy this, dad?

Hank: Bobby, this is a pet store; not a toy store. You know how much they mark that junk up. (to cashier) Excuse me. How much is it to get your dog's picture put on this mug?

• Bobby: I'm going to take out the garbage.

Peggy: No, Bobby, there is a raccoon out there and it almost, literally, attacked your father.

• Hank: Bobby, you name a pet, you name a guitar. You do not name a filthy animal. And you do not feed it our garbage. No wonder it was rooting around in the garage. It was looking for more of your handouts.

Bobby: It's not a handout when you feed Ladybird, is it?

Hank: Ladybird is a member of this family. You've seen our Christmas cards.

• Hank: The whole garage looked like one of those horror movies. You know, tools all over the place.

• Dale: Yup. Sounds like a raccoon. Or a possum imitating the behaviour of a raccoon. Or a squirrel.

• Dale: No worries, Hank. I have played out this scenario a thousand times in my mind. Most of them, I have won.

• Bobby: (to Dale) I thought you were going to trap Bandit and free him in the woods. Why is everything you're wearing so sharp?!

• Hank: You've been looking for that dang raccoon? It would have attacked me if it weren't for Ladybird. And now my dog's out there, possibly hurt, exposed to the elements and even if she does find something to eat, who's going to mix in an egg?

• Dale: Lucky for you, I'm not only an exterminator, I am also a bounty hunter. My other card. Tell me I sent you. You'll get ten percent off.

• Hank: That picture was taken at her birthday party last month. Sorry I don't have a more recent photo.

• Luanne: (praying) And please make sure Ladybird is safe and without rabies. And if rabies is part of your divine plan, then please change your plan and send us back Ladybird, rabies-free.

Bobby: And Bandit, too. Amen.

Hank: No, sir. Bandit is not in this prayer. It's Bandit's fault we're in this mess. Or your fault for feeding him. I'll let you decide, Lord.

• Peggy: Now, Hank, I know Ladybird is just fine. She saved your life. I'm sure she can save her own.

Hank: Well, I hope you're right, but if she's out there suffering with rabies, I'll have to shoot her. And with my aim, I'll probably have to shoot her twice.

• Hank: Alright, Dale, we can do this the easy way or we can do it the hard way.

Dale: Do it the hard way.

• Hank: Peggy, you should stay here in case Ladybird comes home.

Peggy: Not "if," Hank; "whether or not."

• Dale: (into tape recorder) Survival diary update: I have been drinking dewdrops found on the forest leaves and I have been eating mushrooms and moss. Mostly mushrooms. My rabies has taken a turn for the worse. I am starting to hallucinate. When I close my eyes, I can see strange characters running around chasing colourful geometric shapes in a dark and infinite limbo. I have stopped closing my eyes. I fear I am going mad! (stick house collapses) Survival reminder: need hammer and nails. (opens tape recorder battery compartment) Also batteries for tape recorder. (throws tape recorder away and speaks into a pine cone) Also need new tape recorder.

• Hank: (answering phone) Hello.

Big Terry: Mister Hill, this is Big Terry from Animal Control. We've had reports of a bloodhound walking kind of funny out by the campgrounds at the Mary Alice Sherry Shivers State Park. We're heading there now.

Hank: Okay, I'm on my way. Just in case you find her first, when you call her name, say the first half longer than the second. La-a-dybird. You got that?

Big Terry: Uh, Mister Hill, if we get there and the dog is acting strange we'll have to put Ladybird down.

Hank: Oh, no!

(Hank drops the phone)

Big Terry: Mister Hill? Are you there? Oh, I'm sorry. I meant, we'll have to put La-a-dybird down. Mister Hill?

• Hank: If you're looking for that raccoon, you're wasting your time. It's probably two towns over by now eating some other kid's garbage.

Bobby: At least Bandit never ate my lunch until after I'd thrown it out. That's what I'd call common courtesy.

• Hank: La-a-dybird. Come here, girl. Come to daddy. So he can send you to (chokes up) doggy heaven.

• Dale: You will speak only when I say you can speak.

Hank: Remove the tape, Dale.

Dale: Okay. You can speak.

• Dale: I'm going to drain all the blood outta your body. Then I'm going to replace my blood with your non-rabid blood, which will both cure me and give me all your knowledge of propane and propane accessories.

• Dale: Let's see you try and sell your way out of this one, propane salesman. Where's your precious propane now?

• Hank: Say, Bobby, I know this won't be for a while, but when Ladybird dies, how about if I let you pick our next pet?

Bobby: Really? Okay. I'm gonna get a possum.

Hank: No. No possums.

Bobby: An ostrich, then?

Hank: Well, I was thinking more of a traditional pet, Bobby. Like another dog.

Bobby: Okay. Can I get a poodle?

Hank: No.