Late Show with David Letterman/Show 2760

Show 2760
Season 14, Episode 115
Airdate	March 26, 2007
← March 21, 2007 Show 2759	March 27, 2007 → Show 2761
Late Show with David Letterman — Season Fourteen

This is the one-hundred and fifteenth episode of the fourteenth season of Late Show with David Letterman, and the two thousand seven hundred and sixtieth overall.

Guest Stars: Rachel Smith (Herself), Will Ferrell (Himself), Kings of Leon (Themselves)

Episode Breakdown

• Monologue: It's spring in New York, which means that Dave has to switch to Viagra with Benadryl mixed in for his allergies. He goes on to talk about McDonalds adding a hamburger that weighs a third of a pound, a kid in Colorado who found a dead mouse in a bag of potato chips, how his taxes were apparently done by an accountant at a carnival midway and Elton John's 60th birthday celebration where he played his 60th concert at Madison Square Garden and beat the New York Knicks at basketball.
• At the Desk:
  • It was a week ago on this day that Dave came down with stomach flu, which he thinks is because he was acting smug about being the only person who didn't come down with the bug. During this time, he realized that despite the fact that he was vomiting every 10 minutes for seven days, none of that prepared him for the next time he vomited. He takes this time to thank Adam Sandler for hosting the show in his stead.
  • Dave warns Regis Philbin not to try and come back to doing Live with Regis and Kelly so soon after having the triple bypass heart surgery, a procedure he once went under as well. But Philbin called in and wound up hacking and wheezing into the phone instead of carrying on any kind of conversation.
• A Message from Al Gore: "I've got the largest butt we've ever seen in this nation."
• FDA Warning: Dave informs the public about sleep drugs like Ambien, which can cause the user to "go loopy." People have also been known to get up and drive while asleep on the pills, which has prompted to FDA to produce a public service announcement about driving, eating, making phone calls and Dave hosting a show while sleepwalking for 25 years.
• Great Moments in Presidential Speeches: "He says, quote 'These programs...' He said, 'the programs don't...' The program quote... the program quote?"
• Calvert DeForest Tribute: Calvert DeForest, who played Larry "Bud" Melman in Late Night and Late Show, passed away at the age of 85. As a tribute to him, they show a short reel of some of DeForest's most memorable segments in both series.
• Small Town News:
  • The Buffalo News (Buffalo, New York): "Casket, metal, split top, slightly used, very comfortable, never buried."
  • The Belleaire Beach Bee (Largo, Florida): "City manager Steve Stanton was place on paid administrative leave February 27th after announcing he planned to become a woman."
  • The Oakes Times (Oakes, North Dakota): "Oakes Veterinary Service, where caring people take care for your animals. Enjoy a safe and rewarding hunt!"
  • The Town Common (Rowley, Massachusetts): "Car flies through house, turkeys upset. Amazingly, nobody was severely hurt. Turkeys that reside at the house were visibly upset because of this incident."
  • The Daily Times (Salisbury, Maryland): "Parsons Cemetery. New section open. Waterview spaces available."
  • The Leader-News (Greenville, Kentucky): "Muhlenberg County second-graders are asked what does love mean?" Amber H. said, "Love is when I see my dog licking my other dog’s butt."
  • The Bozeman Daily Chronicle (Bozeman, Montana): "A Billings man accused of driving drunk and crashing into a light pole here gave police at the scene an unusual explanation: A unicorn was driving."
  • The Courier-Standard Enterprise (Fort Plain, New York): "Woods exploded into another outburst of nearly indecipherable mumblings, which reached a disturbing crescendo when he removed his prosthetic eye from its socket."
  • The Roscommon County Herald-News (Roscommon, Michigan): "The complainant showed troopers a card he received which he believes came from the man blowing snow in his driveway. The unsigned card reportedly said, 'Jesus Loves You' on the cover, but inside said 'But everybody else thinks you're an asshole.'"
• 

  

  Miss USA 2007 Rachel Smith gives the top 10 list.
  Late Show Top Ten: Top Ten Things I Can Say Now That I’m Miss USA. This list is delivered by 2007 Miss USA Rachel Smith, rather than Dave.

1. I thought I was going to be on Leno.
2. I know I'm supposed to say I was really awkward in high school, but I've always been hot.
3. I guess I shouldn't be surprised that the congratulatory presidential phone call came from Clinton, not Bush.
4. Miss New York taught me how to hotwire a Honda Civic.
5. During the pageant, I stayed focused backstage by punching a side of frozen beef.
6. I'm not saying who, but one of the finalists wasn't exactly a "Miss."
7. Look for me at a boat show near you.
8. I'm Canadian.
9. I'm spending my scholarship money on one of them 108-inch plasma TVs.
10. I saved 15% on my tiara insurance by switching to Geico.

• Will Ferrell Interview: Since he last appeared on the show, Ferrell had another son named Matius. But, his older son Magnus isn't as happy about the situation as he and his wife are. Though they get along a little, Magnus does try to harm his little brother sometimes because he doesn't appreciate being ousted from his position as "king of turd mountain." Dave switches topics to Barbara Streisand from the 1970s, who Ferrell seems to be basing his new haircut on. After a break, Ferrell talks about his musical number on the Academy Awards that year and how he screwed up some. After the Pan's Labyrinth make-up people accepted their awards, they were all taken to take pictures where he, Jack Black and John C. Reilly completely dominated the press pool instead of the winners. Dave finally gets around to the movie Ferrell is promoting, Blades of Glory, where he plays a male figure skater. Ferrell takes this time to demonstrate some of the figure skating techniques he learned before airing a clip of the movie.
• Act 5: Alan Kalter says "Are you ready to feel good, America? Well then, log on to the Late Show website and check out the Tony Mendez Show! Join Tony and friends this week as Tony celebrates his birthday! The Tony Mendez Show. Just go to www.cbs.com/lateshow. You'll be glad you did! We'll be right back."
• It's a Fact with George Clarke: "Construction workers don't like it when you give them a friendly pat on the ass. It's a Fact!"
• On Call: Kings of Leon song.

Notes

• Alan Kalter's Intro: "The most trusted name in hand-crafted gazebos."
• Alan Kalter's Outro: "Hey, hey, Helen!"