The Dana Carvey Show/The Diet Mug Root Beer Dana Carvey Show

The Diet Mug Root Beer Dana Carvey Show
Season 1, Episode 4
Airdate	April 2, 1996
Written by	Louis C.K. (supervisor) Steve Carell Robert Carlock Dana Carvey Bill Chott Stephen Colbert Jon Glaser Charlie Kaufman Heather Morgan Robert Smigel Dino Stamatopoulos Mike Stoyanov Elon Gold (additional material)
Directed by	John Fortenberry
← 1x03 The Mountain Dew Dana Carvey Show	1x05 → The Dana Carvey Show (Sponsored by Pepsi)
The Dana Carvey Show — Season One

The Diet Mug Root Beer Dana Carvey Show is the fourth episode of the first season of The Dana Carvey Show.

Starring: Dana Carvey

Also Starring: Steve Carell, Bill Chott, Stephen Colbert, Elon Gold, Chris McKinney, Heather Morgan, Robert Smigel

Special Guest Star: Jan Hooks

Special Appearances By: Carol Channing (Herself), David Letterman (Himself), Tony Randall (Himself)

Co-Starring: Donna Cantara, Todd Robins

Announcer: Jim Fagan

Episode Breakdown

• Monologue: Once again, Carvey opens up the floor for questions. One man asks how a young actor, such as himself, could break into the industry. Carvey tells him to get used to rejection and asks him if he really just wants to be an actor. When he says yes, he bids the entire audience to hold hands and pray for him to get into a Martin Scorsese movie and not get cast as the neighbor in a Full House reunion.
• Live with Regis & Kathie Lee: Regis Philbin (Carvey) gets wrapped up in a conversation with Kathie Lee Gifford (Hooks) about her new Easter special. Philbin criticizes their producer, Gellman (Colbert) for not stopping her and she gets angry at both of them for making light of her special. She badgers them into letting her show a clip from her special, which shows her singing to a monkey about how she evolved from Jesus, not from a monkey. Philbin criticizes her for not believing in evolution but is interrupted by Gellman, who has David Letterman on the line for him.

  Letterman gets him to agree to come on his show right now, dress up like a mashed potato and jump into a pool of gravy. He also makes Philbin get him a turkey sandwich. He runs into Carol Channing on the street after he gets the sandwich and punches her in the face when she won't let him leave. With Channing knocked out, Philbin continues his run but winds up stuck in a bear trap. After escaping from that, he falls into a open manhole and fights a giant rat. He also gets distracted by a topless bar before he finally makes it to the Ed Sullivan Theater. When he's rejected at the door, he decides to scale the side of the building to get in, but Tony Randall tries to stop him so that he can wear the suit. After all that, he finally gets into the suit and jumps into the gravy bowl on Late Show with David Letterman.

• Geraldo: Kato Kaelin (Carvey) holds his first televised interview—aside from Barbara Walters, Hard Copy and hosting Talk Soup—with Geraldo Rivera (Colbert). Rivera asks what he remembered from the night where O.J. Simpson allegedly killed his wife, which isn't a whole lot. After a couple of questions answered with vague, breathless words, Rivera declares that he wants to help Kaelin and asks if he thinks Simpson did it. Kaelin says yes, which is immediately followed with a call from Simpson (McKinney), who says he'll be there momentarily. When Simpson shows up on the set, Kaelin recants he answer and Simpson takes over the interview. He advertises his tape of "what really happened," which (according to a clip) turns out to be an exact explanation of how he killed his wife.
• Germans Who Say Nice Things: Two German men (Carvey and Carell) shout nice things in loud German accents. Among their statements:
  • Carvey: "This is delicious! I must have your recipe!"
  • Carell: "You are the world's greatest grandpa!"
  • Carvey: "Last one down the waterslide is a rotten egg!"
  • Carell: "That cloud looks like a pony!"
  • Carvey: "Give a hoot don't pollute!"
  • Carell: "You're once, twice, three times a lady!"
  • Carvey: "Would you mind signing my yearbook?!"
  • Carell: "Surprise I'm your Secret Santa!"
  • Carvey: "I'd give anything for your cheekbones!"
  • Carell: "Last night we watched a very special episode of Blossum..."
  • Both: "Und we cried!"
• National Publishers Association Dinner: Bill Clinton (Carvey) speaks at the National Publishers Association Dinner and apologizes for getting radio host Don Imus to host last year's dinner. Instead, this year, he booked Howard Stern (Gold). Stern roasts Clinton from the dais, especially poking fun at his infidelity, which Clinton laugh hysterically at. Stern turns his attention to Hillary Clinton (Morgan) and Sandra Day O'Connor, who are clearly not amused. Clinton cuts him off and brings on the Human Garbage Disposal, who eats a cigar—much to Clinton's enjoyment.

  After a commercial break, C-SPAN coverage resumes and a large breasted woman is dancing at the podium. He tries to defend himself by saying he's a "horny president, but [he's] a good president." He suggests that all of the great presidents also loved sex. By now, C-SPAN has changed the event title to the "Presidential Nervous Breakdown."

• Germans Who Say More Nice Things: The Germans (Carvey and Carell) shout more nice things in German accents.