The Dana Carvey Show/The Dana Carvey Show (Sponsored by Pepsi)

The Dana Carvey Show (Sponsored by Pepsi)
Season 1, Episode 5
Airdate	April 9, 1996
Written by	Louis C.K. (supervisor) Steve Carell Robert Carlock Dana Carvey Bill Chott Stephen Colbert Jon Glaser Charlie Kaufman Heather Morgan Robert Smigel Dino Stamatopoulos Mike Stoyanov
Directed by	John Fortenberry
← 1x04 The Diet Mug Root Beer Dana Carvey Show	1x06 → The Szechuan Dynasty Dana Carvey Show
The Dana Carvey Show — Season One

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The Dana Carvey Show (Sponsored by Pepsi) is the fifth episode of the first season of The Dana Carvey Show.

Starring: Dana Carvey

Also Starring: Steve Carell, Bill Chott, Stephen Colbert, Heather Morgan, Robert Smigel

Announcer: Jim Fagan

Episode Breakdown

• The Tonight Show with Jay Leno: On his late night show, Jay Leno (Carvey) interviews Quentin Tarantino (Smigel), who is twisting around like he's having a seizure. Eventually, their conversation becomes so shrill that what they're speaking sounds less like words and more like a high-pitched whine. Across the area, dogs bark and a military group takes "decisive action" against the noise, thinking that the radar operator (Carell) has uncovered an enemy plot. Colonel Holland fires missiles at the studio in Burbank, but they just keep on screeching.
• Q&A: Carvey asks if anyone has questions they'd like to ask him and one man asks if he's met his stalker yet now that he's back in New York. Carvey doesn't answer the question, but he does make fun of the girl next to him because she's wearing an odd hat. A second question is asked by a bearded man, who wants to know how it feels to know that Nicolas Cage won an Academy Award. He tells a story about how once, when they were called to set, he asked Cage to stop drinking water and come to the set, to which Cage responded by saying "Don't ever tell me to stop drinking. A third man is asked to stand up so that Carvey can show him next to "freak woman" from earlier to display the diversity of New York.
• Crazy Buddies: A commercial aimed at crazy homeless people offers a dating service for people like them. In the Crazy Buddies office, crazy people make their own personal tape and are matched against other applicants. This way, people will think that the two crazy people (now with Smigel) are having a conversation and not just lone ravings.
• Pay and Run #1: Two would-be pranksters (Carell and Carvey) are standing in line for a movie. When they get to the front, they ask for two tickets to a movie. When they give the teller the money, he turns to print the tickets and they run off, cackling loudly while they get into their car and drive off. The same sequence of events plays out with them shoveling snow and running away before they get the money.
• Rich Little's Story of Jesus: Rich Little (Carvey) stars in an Easter special on HBO called Rich Little's All Rich Little One Man Easter, in which he portrays famous people as characters from the bible. For instance: Richard Nixon as Gabriel, Johnny Carson as John the Baptist, Laurel and Hardy as the Three Wise Men, Carol Channing as the Virgin Mary, Jack Benny as King Heron, Truman Capote as Judas, Groucho Marx as Jesus, Paul Lynde and Edith Bunker as Mary Magdalene.
• Waiters Who Are Nauseated by Food: Colbert and Carell play waiters who who struggle to fight off nausea because talking about food makes them want to vomit. As they read off the specials, they look and act more and more sickly until the customer tells them that she just wants water. They're fine for a moment, until she asks for bread, which causes them to start retching again.
• Meanwhile at Fabio's House: Fabio shaves his chest lazily.
• Nixons: Oliver Stone directs a movie called Nixons where all of the different versions of Nixon that could play out on screen do, simultaneously. Anthony Hopkins (Carell), Rip Torn, Beau Bridges (Chott), Rich Little (Carvey) and a guy in a Nixon mask all star alongside each other in crucial moments in Nixon's life, including a debate with John F. Kennedy and Watergate.
• Pay and Run #2: The two pranksters pull their "con" once again, this time with a hooker who they pay $300 and run out of the motel room while she's in the bathroom.
• An Address from Prince Charles: Prince Charles (Carvey) interrupts BBC programming to talk about his divorce with Princess Diana in order to appeal to the people; he wants to restore the monarchial right to have his spouse beheaded. He argues that public scrutiny of his divorce proceedings is damaging the nation, so the only logical way to end the marriage without straining the monarchy is to kill his wife. He says all this in front of a portrait of Henry VIII and says that it would be a relief on every aspect of the nation if she's out of the picture. He claims that he's not bitter and sings a song with Herman's Hermits (Carell, Colbert, Smigel) about how his one wish is to chop off Princess Diana's head. At the end of the song, they smash their fake instruments and Charles "beheads" a woman nearby, although she gets up and dances around without her head.
• Pay and Run #3: Over the credits, the two pranksters laugh maniacally in their car about how they "screwed" someone.