The Dana Carvey Show/The Szechuan Dynasty Dana Carvey Show

The Szechuan Dynasty Dana Carvey Show
Season 1, Episode 6
Airdate	April 23, 1996
Written by	Louis C.K. (supervisor) Steve Carell Robert Carlock Dana Carvey Bill Chott Stephen Colbert Spike Feresten Jon Glaser Charlie Kaufman Heather Morgan Steve O'Donnell Robert Smigel Dino Stamatopoulos Mike Stoyanov
Directed by	John Fortenberry
← 1x05 The Dana Carvey Show (Sponsored by Pepsi)	1x07 → The Dana Carvey Show
The Dana Carvey Show — Season One

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The Szechuan Dynasty Dana Carvey Show is the sixth episode of the first season of The Dana Carvey Show.

Starring: Dana Carvey

Also Starring: Steve Carell, Bill Chott, Stephen Colbert, Heather Morgan, Peggy Shay, Robert Smigel

Co-Starring: Felicia Dyer

Announcer: Jim Fagan

Episode Breakdown

• World News Tonight with Peter Jennings: Peter Jennings (Colbert) anchors the nightly news, leading with a story about how President Bill Clinton (Carvey) is making more and more public appearances these days to highlight his physical health. The same can be said for Bob Dole (Smigel), who also wants to give off the appearance that he's fit for the job of president. A montage to a song that sounds suspiciously like Eye of the Tiger follows with them exercising pathetically. It's clear that neither of them are physically fit.
• Introduction: On an entirely new "home base" set, Carvey comes out playing a guitar, doing his "guitarist shocked by chord changes" schtick before throwing to the first sketch.
• Technofuture: A narrator tells the viewers about all of the wonders of the future. He says that shirts will have a meter displaying how many times they were worn, fish will be able to breath air (and will be excellent house pets), a button that lets elderly people amplify their voice to 1000db to alert people that they're hurt, the ability to get milk from a keyboard, an alarm clock that reminds people what ethnic group they're in, and glasses that block out everything except swarms of bees.
• Entertainment Headlines: Two anchors on an entertainment magazine program (Carell and Morgan) lead into a story about how the FBI actually were clued into the Unabomber's whereabouts because he made an appearance on the MTV series Singled Out. In a clip of the show, Chris Hardwick (Colbert) and Jenny McCarthy (Morgan) aid Kacinski in playing the game where he picks attributes on a board in order to narrow down the playing field. On the second topic, Hardwick mentions "e-mail," which causes Kascinski to get wide-eyed and start babbling about his manifesto. The rest of the girls to leave on their own.
• Discovery Channel After Dark: Clips of animals mating are shown, accompanied by funk music.
• Skinheads from Maine #1: Two skinheads (Carvey and Colbert) chat pleasantly about the sunset, the weather and how one of them plans on throwing rocks at the synagogue. The other spends his time whittling a "hate stick" to beat Spaniards with.
• Entertainment Headlines: EH returns and the anchors' big story for the night is about a dancer named Donald Perelli (Carvey) who claims that Madonna ripped him off. Perelli, a delivery boy for Szechuan Dynasty, is resentful because he dresses and acts the same way that she does, and yet he doesn't have a record deal. He also claims that she stole his songs, changing "My Day Off" to "Holiday" and "My Big Astroid" to "Lucky Star." But what he's most angry about is "Material Girl," which he claims is a complete ripoff of "Material Boy." EH takes the allegations to Madonna's Lawyer, Charles Kaufman (Smigel), who thinks the whole matter is absurd. But, "Madonny" isn't deterred, he also claims that Madonna stole the idea for her book Sex from his book Gettin' It On. Even though the lawyer laughs at this too, he vows to never give up.
• Skinheads from Maine #2: The two skinheads (Carvey and Colbert) converse about the Lilacs blooming early and deny the holocaust while one of them carves a giant wooden cross. The other plans to "sucker punch a queer" and the other suggests that he sucker punch the Henderson queer because he's a "good'un." The first skinhead says they probable shouldn't since they're going to gang up on him tomorrow before the pancake breakfast.
• Grandma the Clown: Grandma the Clown (Shay) warns the children about the ravages of time while making her way over to a banana cream pie on a table. She says aloud that she hopes "nothing happens" and presses a button on the table. It causes a hand to slowly move the pie towards her face until it hits her lightly in the nose. She and the children stare at each other until the segment ends.
• The Food Network After Dark: The same porn music from earlier is played over sexually suggestive shots of food like clams and hot dogs.
• World News Tonight with Peter Jennings: Peter Jennings (Colbert) reports on the FBI trying to lure out an armed militia called the Freemen with a pied piper (Carvey), an act which ultimately fails (although it does get one man outside, dancing toward the piper). At a press conference, the piper tells the press that he's going to try a new song and that he's certain it'll work this time. The FBI send him in again and his ploy appears to work... until the militia shoots him.
• Jenny: A woman describes her friend Jenny, who is apparently some kind of incredible super-woman who causes people to break out into spontaneous applause because she's so great.
• C-SPAN After Dark: Sexually suggestive images of the Washington Monument are shown, backed by that same funky porn music.

Trivia

The Show

• Extra: Selma Blair appears as an uncredited extra in this episode. She is the last girl to leave during the first round of the Singled Out sketch.