Red Dwarf/The Inquisitor

The Inquisitor
Season 5, Episode 2
Airdate	February 27, 1992
Written by	Rob Grant, Doug Naylor
Directed by	Juliet May
← 5x01 Holoship	5x03 → Terrorform
Red Dwarf — Season Five

The Inquisitor is the second episode of the fifth season of Red Dwarf, and the twenty-sixth episode overall.

Guest Stars: Jack Docherty (The Inquisitor), Jake Abraham (Alternative Lister), James Cormack (Thomas Allman)

Plot Overview

Starbug is commandeered by an entity known as the Inquisitor, and turned back toward Red Dwarf. There they will be judged, one-by-one, to determine if they are worthy of existence.

Rimmer is called first. Alone with the Inquisitor, Rimmer asks, "How do I know I'll get a fair hearing?" The Inquisitor replies, that he shall be judged by himself. He raises his mask to reveal that he now looks like (and speaks like) Rimmer. It's a bit metaphysical, but it's the only fair way.

The Cat goes next, followed by Kryten. Lister goes last, refusing to justify himself. He simply tells the Inquisitor to "spin on it". With that the judgements are complete. Kryten and Lister are to be erased from history and replaced with beings more worthy of existence.

The Inquisitor busies himself erasing all traces and memories of Kryten and Lister from history. They stand together, in chains, waiting for death. At just that moment, another Kryten appears behind the Inquisitor. He produces a chainsaw and cuts off the Inquisitor's hand; and with it the Inquisitor's time gauntlet. He then throws the gauntlet to Kryten and Lister, telling them, "take the gauntlet and go!"

They run, but they don't get far: the door locks do not recongnize them. Their identification codes are not recognized by Holly; and she calls an intruder alert, releasing some kind of anti-personnel gas, forcing them back in a different direction.

Rimmer and the Cat arrive. They have no memory of these intruders. So, armed with a bazookoid, they refuse to let them pass. Later when the replacement Lister and Kryten arrive, they decide that the best course of action is to take the intruders to the security level and put them in the brig.

On their way to the detention cell, they are attacked by the Inquisitor, who fires indiscriminately, killing Lister's and Kryten's replacements. Lister runs, but turns back to get the dead Lister's severed hand, saying "I can use this."

Lister comes up with a plan to use the time gauntlet to defeat the Inquisitor. At their final showdown, the Cat and Rimmer are killed; Lister is "youthed" and then turned into an old man; and, just as the Inquisitor is about to finish him, Kryten helps out with a little distraction.

With the Inquisitor frozen, they now have two time gauntlets. Kryten takes one and goes back in time to rescue them from being deleted. Lister has plans for the other time gauntlet.

When the Inquisitor un-freezes, he is dangling on a rope high above an unseen floor. Lister lights the rope holding him on fire; but at the last second as the rope breaks, Lister saves the Inquisitor, helping him back onto the catwalk.

Smiling confidently, Lister gives the Inquisitor his gauntlet back; explaining that since he saved the Inquisitor's life, the Inquisitor can't very well kill him, can he? Unfortunately, the Inquisitor realizes that it was Lister who hung him from the rope in the first place. So he can, in fact, kill Lister quite easily.

The Inquisitor fires his gauntlet at Lister, but it doesn't destroy Lister. It envelopes him instead, removing him from history. Lister has used "the old back-firing time gauntlet trick!"

Trivia

The Show

• For some bizarre reason Kryten's last words are "Enig..."
• The final showdown with the Inquisitor is in the storage bay.
• If you ever need to program a time gauntlet to freeze your opponent for ten minutes try: "Gamma-Delta-1-4-5"

Allusions and References

• In the opening scene Lister is reading the comic book version of Virgil's Iliad.
• Rimmer's response to Lister's remarks about the Trojans: "Well thank you, A. J. P. Taylor."
• Rimmer feins a sighting of the Archangel Gabriel in an attempt to avoid judgement before the Inquisitor.
• When Rimmer confronts the erased Kryten and Lister, he likens them to Sidney Poitier and Tony Curtis.
• The Cat calls Rimmer TransAm-wheel-arch-nostrils in reference to the Pontiac TransAm.
• Kryten makes reference to Silicon Heaven again.

Memorable Moments

• After discussing the legend of the Inquisitor ...

Kryten: That is the Inquisitor. He prunes away the wastrels, expunges the wretched, and deletes the worthless.

Rimmer: We're in big trouble.

• Kryten continues into a discussion of what constitutes a worthwhile life. This only causes Rimmer to become more and more depressed with each clarification.

• The judgement scenes for Rimmer, the Cat, and Lister are excellent.

• The Cat's justification for existence is, in his own words, "I have brought pleasure to the world, because I have a such a beautiful ass." That is his only justification.

• Kryten's unexpected appearance with the chainsaw, and his subsequent dialog between his present and future selves ...

Future Kryten: I'm afraid we get killed.

Present Kryten: Killed? How?

Future Kryten: While I'm standing here explaining this to you, the Inquisitor jumps me from behind ... like this.

• After the Inquisitor kills the replacement Lister, our Lister takes the dead Lister's hand so that he will have access to unlock the ship's doors. Kryten is revolted.

Quotes

In a domed outpost on a lonely, desolate plain somewhere in the universe, we catch our first glimpse of the formibable Inquisitor in action ...

• The Inquisitor: Thomas Allman, you have been found unworthy of having existed.
• Thomas Allman: Is that you, Mother?

On Starbug, just after the Inquisitor takes over the ship, Rimmer asks if Kryten has heard of the Inquisitor. Kryten replies:

Only as a myth, a dark fable, a horror tale told across the flickering embers of a midnight fire, wherever hardened space dogs gather to drink fermented vegetable products and compete in tales of blood-chilling terror!

Rimmer replies, "A simple 'yes' would have sufficed."

When discussing the Inquisitor on Starbug:

Kryten: The criterion is not fame. It is simply to have lived a worthwhile life.

Rimmer (reproachful): Why did no one mention this before?

Back on Red Dwarf, in their first face-to-face encounter with the Inquisitor:

The Inquisitor: Prove to me that you are worthy of the honor of life, or drink deeply from the well of nothingness for all eternity.

Cat: I hate these either-or questions.

When Lister has been cornered by the Inquisitor, Kryten creates a diversion:

Kryten (politely): Excuse me, could I just distract you for a brief moment?

The Inquisitor: Huh?

At the very end of the show after everyone is restored:

Kryten: I believe that this is an appropriate juncture for you to give me five, sir.

Lister: Give you five? I can do better than that. I can give you fifteen.
(Lister holds up the replacement Lister's severed hand along with his own two hands for a total of 15 fingers).

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