Saturday Night Live/Alec Baldwin/Christina Aguilera
Alec Baldwin/Christina Aguilera is the fifth episode of the thirty-second season of Saturday Night Live, and the six hundred and twelfth episode overall. It is Alec Baldwin's thirteenth episode hosting and Christina Aguilera's second as a musical guest.
- A Message From Nancy Pelosi: The speaker elect of the US House of Representatives, Nancy Pelosi (Wiig) delivers a message to America in order to assure them that "San Francisco values" aren't as scary and amoral as the Republicans would like to believe they are. She starts off with typical Democratic talking points like socialized health care and gay rights, but goes off on tangents about rough sex and how they won't infringe on the beliefs of druids or tantric Buddhists. During her speech, her assistant Dane (Forte) comes in wearing leather with his slave Steve (Armisen), the human ashtray. After they leave, grinding sounds are heard off stage and Pelosi gets up to break the two apart with the "safe word" earlier discussed in her speech.
- Alec Baldwin's Monologue: Baldwin enthusiastically talks about being the number one star on NBC because of his show, 30 Rock. He brings out co-stars Tina Fey and Tracy Morgan out to share the spotlight with him. They talk about their credentials, which Baldwin and Fey both have extensive awards and movie credits but Morgan has seen Star Wars 500 times.
- Easy Date Dot Com: In a commercial for an online dating service, several testimonials (Armisen, Thompson and Forte) tell their stories about using EasyDate to pick up prostitutes (Rudolph, Poehler and Wiig) or "dates."
- Britney Spears' Divorce: Britney Spears (Poehler) meets with her lawyer (Sudekis) and lists her grievances against her former husband Kevin Federline. Her biggest complaint is that Federline squandered her money, like when he bought baby tigers. She spends so much time talking about how he's wasting her money, however, that she forgets to get her babies out of the car after an hour of being in the office.
- Saddam Hussein: After being sentenced to death, Saddam Hussein (Baldwin) meets with his legal advisers (Hader and Armisen), who berates them for getting him the death penalty. They tell him that they might be able to stage an appeal, but it isn't likely. They also try to work on his defense for the Kurds genocide case, but he decides to leave instead because he's old and sad. Saddam warns them not to start their cars for a while because he was mad about the verdict and "called some guys."
- Valtrex: An advertisement for a genital herpes medication featuring a couple (Baldwin & Poehler) who "mysteriously" develops genital herpes, but it's obvious that the husband has been sleeping around, caught it from some woman and spread it to his wife.
- Car Pool: Two co-workers (Baldwin and Wiig) share an awkward conversation where they make continually accidentally remind each other of tragic moments in their lives.. For instance, Wiig says that the summer bonuses are a myth "like bigfoot," but Baldwin says that he believes in bigfoot. Later, when Baldwin turns on the radio, he asks if he can change the station, but it's a CD. He asks if he can change it to something that isn't Celine Dion, but they all turn out to be by Dion. She explains that Celine Dion saved her from a kidnapping once and that she's "her rock."
- TV Funhouse - Kobayashi: A parody of Japanese anime starring the hot dog eating champion Kobayashi. Someone sets an orphanage made out of hot dogs on fire, leaving Kobayashi as the only person who can save them. He also saves people from a flood by absorbing the water with hot dogs and eating them. He closes the episode by singing his own theme song and giving the children a valuable lesson about solving problems by eating hot dogs.
- The Platinum Lounge: As a sequel to the "five-timers club," Baldwin goes to the Platinum Lounge, where only 12-time hosts can go. He brings Rudolph with him, but she's kicked out by the bouncer (Hader). In the lounge, Baldwin meets with Steve Martin, Martin orders two Scotches, which are delivered to him by Martin Short. When Martin finds out that Baldwin is tying his hosting record, Martin distracts Baldwin and pours poison in his Scotch. The two switch each other's glasses for a while before Baldwin decides that they need to have a proper toast with champagne. Martin distracts Baldwin again by saying that he can see his apartment from the window, but is forced to stall for time when the drug he put in his champagne causes a reaction and it overflows. Baldwin gains the upper hand when he punches Martin and kicks him in the stomach. The truth comes out when Martin comes out that he hosted 14 times. They make up and Short brings in Paul McCartney and a message from the studio that Baldwin is needed on set.
- Ain't No Other Man: Christina Aguilera song.
- Weekend Update:
- Meyers exclusively interviews former Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld (Hammond). During the interview, a mover (Thompson) struggles with moving out Rumsfeld's furniture. The interview turns out to be a thinly veiled commentary on the Iraq war, with only one mover and few moving supplies.
- Poehler's Aunt Linda (Wiig), the new culture correspondent, reviews movies that were recently released including Babel, Happy Feet and Flushed Away. She hated everything she saw, except for Saw III, which she loved.
- The waiter for the $10,000 meal eaten by Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, Derrick Landerton, elaborates on how the two could possibly spend so much money on one dinner. It turns out that he accidentally overcharged their $100 meal because he missed a decimal point.
- The Tony Bennett Show: Tony Bennett (Baldwin) hosts a talk show where he interviews Kevin Federline (Samberg). After asking how Federline could screw up being married to a "millionaire sexpot," he's ejected from the set. Afterwards, he explains that they were going to have Bob Dylan on the show, but instead there was a mix-up and instead they have Anthony Benedetto (Tony Bennett), who has been shadowing Bennett for years. In the late 1970s, he found Benedetto copying his act word for word and sued him but Benedetto later retooled his act into a comedic parody as Phony Bennett. To close the show, they sing the Star-Spangled Banner together.
- Rick Cornman: In a Brazillian club, two people (Rudolph and Armisen) are singing on stage while Rick Cornman (Baldwin) parades around in the club in a white suit and hits on women. The first (Wiig) slaps him after he asks her not to stain his white suit. The second runs away because he starts to make lude comments in front of her boyfriend (Samberg), who throws water in his face. The last (Poehler) throws salsa in his lap.
- Hurt: Christina Aguilera song.
- A Moment With the Out of Breath Jogger From 1992: An out-of-breath jogger gives obtuse references to events that happened in 1992 like Spin Doctors and the space shuttle Endeavor between gasps for breath.
- Steppin' Out With My Baby: Christina Aguilera and Tony Bennett song.
"Live from New York, It's Saturday Night!"
- Kristin Wiig as US House of Representatives Speaker Elect Nanci Pelosi.
- Ain't No Other Man, performed by Christina Aguilera: "Ain't No Other Man" is the first single from Christina Aguilera's third album, Back to Basics. The song was nominated for a Grammy award in the Best Female Pop Vocal Performance category. The DJ for the song has said that the song is about Aguilera's relationship with her husband.
- Hurt, performed by Christina Aguilera: Christina Aguilera's second performance is of "Hurt," a song she wrote with Linda Perry and Mark Ronson about losing a loved one. The song was released as the second single for the album, although it was originally intended for "Candyman" to be the second single. However, the record label decided that because "Hurt" is a holiday ballad, it would be safer to release in the winter months.
- Steppin' Out With My Baby, performed by Tony Bennett and Christina Aguilera: The final song performed in the episode is a cover of "Steppin' Out With My Baby" by Irving Berlin. Tony Bennett covered the song for his Duets: An American Classic album released in 2006 with Michael Bublé, but the song only appeared on a special edition sold only in Target department stores.