Night of Too Many Stars: An Overbooked Benefit for Autism Education

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Night of Too Many Stars: An Overbooked Benefit for Autism Education
Do the right thing, autism! Just 'cause this is a charity doesn't mean we can rip off your vendors.
Airdate October 15, 2006
Written by
Directed by Beth McCarthy Miller
Network Comedy Central
Style 135-minute telethon special
Company Busboy Productions

Origin USA

Night of Too Many Stars: An Overbooked Benefit for Autism Education is a Comedy Central telethon fundraising comedy special, executive produced by Jon Stewart and Robert Smigel to benefit special education for children and adults with autism. It is a sequel to 2003's Night of Too Many Stars, which aired on NBC.

Host: Jon Stewart

Performers: Fred Armisen (Performer / Prince), Will Arnett (Phone Bank), Jack Black (Singer, "Autism's Night to Shine"), Steve Carell (), Kristin Chenoweth (Singer, "You're the Top"), Sacha Baron Cohen (Borat Sagdiyev), Stephen Colbert (), Elvis Costello (Singer), David Cross (Stand-Up / Reality Show Judge), Kiefa Diaz (Auction Winner), Jimmy Fallon (Barry Gibb), Will Ferrell (Robert Goulet), Will Forte (Phone Bank), Ricky Gervais (Stand-Up), Kevin James (), John McEnroe (Phone Bank), Christopher Meloni (), Moby (Bandleader), Mike Myers (Donald Q. Cashington, Jr. III), Jamie Niven (Auctioneer), Oscar Nunez (), Bob Odenkirk (Heckler), Amy Poehler (Phone Bank / Sharon Stone), Paul Rudd (Phone Bank), Adam Sandler (LA Host), Amy Sedaris (Phone Bank), Jerry Seinfeld (Stand-Up), Martin Short (Singer, "You're the Top"), Tony Sirico (), Harry Slatkin (Bath & Body Works Rep), Robert Smigel (Triumph the Insult Comic Dog - Singer, "Come Back"), Ben Stiller (David Blaine), Brian Williams (Headline News Anchor)



  • Jack Black sings "Autism's Night to Shine."
  • Jon Stewart monologue and introducion of Moby as Bandleader.
  • Stewart introduces the Celebrity Phone Bank: Paul Rudd, Amy Sedaris, Will Arnett, Amy Poehler, John McEnroe and Will Forte. Forte has his shirt off, and Stewart promises Forte will not be able to call out.
  • Stewart introduces the host of the LA benefit, Adam Sandler, but due to a misunderstanding, Sandler is still at home.
  • Stewart reveals Brian Williams will read the names of donors of $200 or more into headlines later.
  • Jerry Seinfeld stand-up.
  • Documentary segment #1.
  • Tony Sirico PSA.
  • Back to Sandler, who is watching baseball with Kevin James. Sandler introduces his miniature pony.
  • Martin Short arrives in a wheelchair and with a voice machine to save his voice and his leg muscles for his Broadway show Fame Becomes Me. Singer Kristin Chenoweth tries to sing a duet of "You're the Top" with the voice machine, but when Short's "audience demands it," he punches out Chenoweth and takes over the song. Holding one note, he exits the studio, buys water from a street vendor, poses nude for an art class and returns to the stage.
  • Poehler portrays Sharon Stone at the Phone Bank.
  • Back to Sandler and James, who are playing Frisbee with the pony.
  • Documentary segment #2.
  • An auction for a spot in the finale segment, hosted by Jamie Niven of Sotheby's and Jimmy Fallon, portraying singer Barry Gibb.
  • Ben Stiller as David Blaine appears via satellite doing his latest trick—living inside a small, clear, cube for a year. He has a slice of pizza from one of the four mulligans he is allowed. He attempts a card trick but gets a paper cut and needs first aid.
  • Ricky Gervais stand-up.
  • Back to Stiller as Blaine, who is taking a smoke break outside the box. When Blaine needs to get back in the box, Stewart stalls while the fake body is set up again. Afterwards, Blaine claims to have made the Statue of Liberty disappear and reappear.
  • Williams reads the news headlines for $200 donors.
  • Will Ferrell as Robert Goulet appears via satellite, but he believes he is on the Jerry Lewis MDA Telethon, and Stewart is Jerry Lewis. Goulet promotes his traveling production of Oh! Calcutta!, in which he appears nude.
  • Stewart acknowledges the sponsors. In a segment for Chevrolet, Christopher Meloni arrives in the back of a pick-up truck. The segment for Bath & Body Works features Fred Armisen overusing the product from the gift basket and Arnett cutting in on a massage Rudd is receiving, but Arnett gives Rudd the massage.
  • Bath & Body Works President of Home Design Harry Slatkin presents an oversized check for one hundred thousand dollars.
  • Stephen Colbert presents an oversized check for $50 from the Stephen & Melinda Gates Foundation and an oversized invoice for $25 to cover the cost of the oversized check. He also pledges $50,000 in that he waives his appearance fee.
  • Via satellite, Steve Carell appeals to cats who have inherited money from their wealthy owners by meowing with subtitles. Oscar Nunez translates the appeal into Spanish meowing, while a puppet cat does cat sign language for hearing-impaired cats.
  • Mike Myers, as eccentric millionaire Donald Q. Cashington, Jr. III, pledges $70,000 if Stewart renames autism after him. When Stewart refuses, Cashington offers $60,000 if Stewart shaves his body hair into a Ziploc bag, or $100,000 if Armisen and Forte kiss. The camera cuts to Armisen and Forte, who have already been kissing.
  • Elvis Costello enters singing an unrecognizable song. Stewart says if the call volume increases, Costello will sing more popular songs. A call meter tracks the call volume as Costello sings snippets of his songs "Pony Street" and "Everyday I Write the Book." When the call volume dips, Costello sings a new song based on Cornish folk songs. As call volume increases, Costello sings his hit "Pump It Up," then Lynyrd Skynyrd's "Freebird," and, when the calls goes off the meter, "Who Let the Dogs Out?" by Baha Men.
  • Documentary segment #3.
  • Armisen impersonates Prince at the Phone Bank.
  • Stewart says the title Night of Too Many Stars is apt, as there is one star too many: Christopher Meloni. Meloni enters in a giant striped hat with a puppet but wanders off when told there is no time for his act.
  • Stewart leads a two-minute drive to raise $500,000 to build a center at New York's Hunter College to train autism teachers.
  • Sacha Baron Cohen appears via satellite as Borat Sagdiyev and plugs his film Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan.
  • David Cross starts a stand-up routine unlike his usual, avant-garde stand-up. Bob Odenkirk heckles Cross in retaliation for Cross being his judge at several reality shows, but Cross does not remember Odenkirk until he sees a picture of him naked with other men.
  • Robert Smigel as Triumph the Insult Comic Dog and a group impersonating Ladysmith Black Mambazo sing "Come Back". Triumph introduces auction winner Kiefa Diaz, who for $11,000 has bought the chance to read an insult to Moby.
  • Stewart announces the telethon's earnings—over $2 million.
  • Triumph and the Ladysmith Black Mambazo impersonators sing the "Come Back" reprise.



  • "Autism's Night to Shine": The lyrics to the song by Jack Black are:
ANSWER, you're the king of all causes.
You drink deep from the charity trough,
But let someone else play.
Go run a 10K!
We support you, but take the night off.
Red Cross, you're a stud; you're the first on the scene,
But tonight, you're crossed off the list.
AIDS, we all know
You're a nasty mofo,
But tonight, you're not gonna be missed.
Angelina and Bono
Can go mano á mano
As fundraising's most boring pair.
So world hunger stay home and order Chinese,
'Cause tonight, we don't care!
(Spoken.) Autism schools, tonight's your night to shine!
The theater is packed, the curtain is up,
The orchestra is ready to go.
This is your pass
To shake that sweet ass.
Autism, give us a show!
Autism, baby, strut your stuff on the floor!
Strap on your tap shoes and kick down the door!
(Spoken.) Autism! Listen, autism, we're live on national TV. You're goin' out there a chorus girl, but you're comin' back a star! And the rest of you, you get the night off! All right!
So PBS, keep your crappy totebags; tonight we'll be taking your call.
Lance Armstrong, put away your yellow bracelet and tuck in your one ball.
Paul Newman, keep your popcorn; savin' the world, uh-uh, not your best role.
Al Gore, I got a global warning for you: Tonight we're gonna stick up your ozone hole!
Salvation Army, I gave you my couch, so tonight, stay out of the game.
United Negro College Fund, woo! We'll talk when you update your name!
March of Dimes, here's a hundred, you go nuts! That oughtta last you all year!
As for you,, move on the f[bleeped] out of here!
Greenpeace, grab some hemp, shave your ladies' armpits, put on your Phish DVD.
Irritable bowel syndrome,...
(Spoken.) OK, that's pretty important.
I mean, to a friend of mine, not me!
Toys for Tots, quit your cryin', go have a treat.
PETA, grab some tofu, and then eat my meat!
'Cause it's autism's night to sing and dance.
It's autism's night to take off the pants.
Hold your applause
For every other cause.
Everyone else can hold the line.
'Cause it's autism (autism),
Sweet autism (sweet autism)
Soon to be boptism (soon to be boptism's),
Night to shiiiiiine!
(Come back, come back.)
So many losers gone.
(Come back.)
No longer here for me to poop on.
(Star Jones.)
Come back, Star Jones!
(Come back, come back, Star Jones.)
I could have pooped on you all day.
I miss your E.T. bug eyes and your husband who's gay.
(So very queer, we hear he's queer.)
Come back, Kathie Lee!
(Please come back, Kathie Lee.)
I miss your sweatshops so cruel,
And your Christmas shows were worse than finding blood in my stool.
(Or worms.)
Hootie & the Blowfish.
(Hootie & the Blowfish.)
Come back to the big show.
I'm not sure who's Hootie, but I'm sure you still blow.
(You still blow, you still blow.)
Come back, Judd Nelson.
(Breakfast Club douchebag.)
Where have you gone?
I had 20 minutes on your nostrils alone.
(Giant nostrils.)
Dell Dude career.
(Dell Dude.)
Please be reborn.
You were big for a year, then it was back to gay porn.
(Come back, Dell Dude.)
Come back, Sinbad.
(Where have you taken your orange skin?)
You were a freaky brother,
The only Black guy who didn't scare my mother.
(Except for us.)
Delta Burke, not the other guy, but Delta Burke come back.
(Your butt was so big.)
You were one hell of a farter.
Did they cancel your show, or did you eat Dixie Carter?
(So very fat, so very fat.)
John McEnroe talk show.
(Talk show on CNBC.)
I miss your interview skills, and....
(Spoken.) You know what, don't come back. Forget it. Forget it.
(Good call.)
(Spoken.) Not a good idea. Not a good idea. Thank you, thank you very much. It's all right. It's all right, we're just doing a bit here! Don't mind... don't mind me, John! Here we go.
Ashlee Simpson's nose!
(Ashlee's crooked nose.)
The old one wasn't bad,
But it would get in the way when you made out with your dad.
(Unnatural relationship.)
Marion Barry, run again.
(Please run for anything.)
You smoked crack in plain view,
But after six years of Bush, I think I might prefer you.
(Don't bogart it.)
Come back, Moby.
(With your fruity bald head.)
You were a magnet for my poop,
Because you'd get your ass kicked by a Girl Scout troop.

The reprise lyrics are:

Representative Mark Foley.
(Horny Congressman.)
I miss you already.
You tossed your gay sperm like Rip Taylor's confetti.
(Who's Rip Taylor?)


Behind the Scenes

  • Filming Location: The event was held at the Beacon Theater in New York.
  • Rebroadcasts: The initial broadcast was scheduled for 120 minutes but ran 135 minutes. In Comedy Central rebroadcasts, 15 minutes were edited out. Cut scenes included Fred Armisen's Prince impression, the cutting of Christopher Meloni's performance and the Bob Odenkirk and David Cross sketch. The full broadcast was available on iTunes, which also added musical performances from commercial breaks during the live special.
  • Putting His Money Where His Mouth Is: Host Jon Stewart pledged $50,000 on-screen during the two-minute drive. He may have pledged more off-screen.

Allusions and References

  • "Autism's Night to Shine": References in the lyrics of Jack Black's song include:
    • ANSWER: Act Now to Stop War and End Racism was formed in the days after the September 11, 2001 attacks to protest the actions of the U.S. government against terrorist states. Despite charges of anti-Semitism, it became more popular amongst celebrities and leftists in succeeding years due to its opposition to the Iraq War.
    • Red Cross: Since its founding in 1863, the International Red Cross and Red Crescent has championed numerous humanitarian causes, including relief to war-torn nations, medical attention to the wounded and sick and amnesty for refugees.
    • Angelina and Bono: Since 2001, movie star Angelina Jolie has worked with starving people in Africa and Asia. Her cause gained more attention when she adopted a Cambodian child in 2002 and an Ethiopian child in 2005. In the 2000s, Bono, lead singer of the rock group U2, became associated with fighting famine and lack of medical care in Africa.
    • Lance Armstrong: In 1997, cyclist Lance Armstrong created the Lance Armstrong Foundation for cancer patients after he survived testicular cancer, to which he lost his right testicle. In 2004, the Foundation began selling a yellow bracelet, the Livestrong wristband.
    • Paul Newman: Movie star Paul Newman began Newman's Own, a line of food products—including salad dressing and popcorn—in 1982. Proceeds are donated to charitable causes.
    • Al Gore: Concerned with the environment since he was elected to the United States Congress in 1976, Vice President Al Gore released the film An Inconvenient Truth, a documentary about global warming, in the summer of 2006.
    • Salvation Army: The Salvation Army is an evangelical Christian denomination founded in 1865 which devotes its time to international charitable efforts. It is most famous for its Christmas fundraising by volunteers—many dressed as Santa Claus—who have red buckets and bells. There are also year-round donation drives in which volunteers collect money, furniture and clothing for the underprivileged.
    • United Negro College Fund: Since 1944, the United Negro College Fund has raised money for scholarships for Black college students and donations to historically all-Black colleges.
    • March of Dimes: The United States March of Dimes was founded in 1938 to combat polio. Since the discovery of the polio vaccine in 1958, the March of Dimes has expanded its mission to include all childhood illnesses and the general promotion of child and infant health.
    • began in 1998 to protest the impeachment of President Bill Clinton. After Clinton left office in 2001, the Web-based organization supported political candidates opposed to President George W. Bush's administration.
    • Greenpeace: The Canadian radical environmental group Greenpeace was founded in 1971 and received a high profile for its disruption of the international whaling industry. It has also been vocal in its opposition to nuclear testing and deforestation.
    • Phish: The rock band Phish was popular in the 1990s amongst college students, in part because of its resistance to corporate endorsement.
    • Toys for Tots: Toys for Tots is an organization run by the United States Marine Corps Reserve which collects toys and clothing for underprivileged children during the Christmas season.
    • PETA: People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals is a controversial animal rights organization based out of Virginia. It opposes the exploitation of animals for any reason—including fur clothing, scientific experimentation, display in zoos and circuses and the consumption of meat and animal products.
  • Dustin Hoffman: Movie star Dustin Hoffman has twice received the Best Actor Academy Award. In 1988, he won his second Oscar for the film Rain Man, in which he plays an autistic man, Raymond Babbitt. The film popularized the word "autism," but experts said most autism patients do not resemble Raymond, who, although severely impaired and resistant to changes in his routine, is able to communicate and is a mathematic savant.
Jon Stewart: Although, on the plus side, without it, Dustin Hoffman would only have one Oscar.
  • Jack Abramoff: In January 2006, lobbyist Jack Abramoff pled guilty to charges of fraud and corruption of public officials. Details released during his legal proceedings revealed he had used bribes and gifts to entice members of the United States Congress to vote for legislation favoring American Indian casinos.
Stewart: Did Jack Abramoff give it to you personally? Fine.
  • Chappelle's Show: In 2004, the DVD release of the Comedy Central series Chappelle's Show became the all time highest selling TV DVD set, and the second season of the series was a pop culture phenomenon. The network signed creator and star Dave Chappelle to a $55 million contract for a third season, but shortly into filming, Chappelle disappeared. Days later, it was learned he had traveled to South Africa to escape the pressures of fame and the struggle of art and commerce.
Stewart: But obviously, we have to be careful. The last time a show on Comedy Central brought in a lot of money, its star ran away to Africa.
Adam Sandler: I'll entertain you guys. Like, one of those roasts that Comedy Central does, I'll do some stuff on you.
Stewart: Brokaw would mince. He would mince. You stride.
  • Mets game: In the second segment featuring Adam Sandler, Sandler and Kevin James watch the Mets game. Sandler says the game is "still tied" and shouts, "Come on, Reyes!" On the night of the telethon's broadcast, the New York Mets were playing the St. Louis Cardinals in Game 4 of the 2006 National League Championship Series. It is possible Sandler was watching the game, as in the fourth inning, the game was tied at two, and Anthony Reyes was pitching for the Cardinals. The Mets would win the game in a 12-5 blowout and tie the National League series at two.
  • Sharon Stone: Amy Poehler does an impression of Sharon Stone, the cool, WASP-y movie star who had been one of the most popular actresses of the early 1990s after her role as the seductive mystery writer Catherine Tramell in the 1992 mystery thriller Basic Instinct. By the end of the 90s, Stone's film career had declined. She also received public ridicule for her supposed eccentricities and self-involvement.
  • Barry Gibb: During the auction segment, Jimmy Fallon portrays English musician Barry Gibb of the Bee Gees. Their soundtrack album for 1977's Saturday Night Fever was the highest selling film soundtrack of all time, and the track "Stayin' Alive", sung in their harmonized falsetto, was among the most recognizable pop songs of the decade.
  • David Blaine: Ben Stiller portrays magician David Blaine, whose latest trick is living inside a small Plexiglass box for a year. Although Blaine began with street magic, he gained a wider audience in 1999 when he claimed to have spent seven days buried in a coffin. Throughout the 2000s, he performed several public feats of endurance, including living inside a clear box suspended over the River Thames for 44 days.
  • Steve Carell: Ricky Gervais became a TV star in the United Kingdom and the United States for The Office, a sitcom he co-created and co-wrote and in which he starred as David Brent, the vain, dull-witted, petty middle management head of a Slough, England paper sales office. In 2005, the series was remade in America (with Gervais co-producing) with Steve Carell playing Brent's counterpart Michael Scott. The script for the pilot of the US version was a duplicate of the pilot of the UK version—although names were changed and British-isms were Americanized—but all subsequent episodes featured original scripts. By the end of its second season, the American remake was also a hit, and Carell won the 2005 Golden Globe for Best Performance by an Actor in a Television Series - Musical or Comedy to match the one Gervais had won two years earlier.
Ricky Gervais: Steve Carell is now going to come out and do this exact act but slightly better and get paid more for it.
  • Robert Goulet: Will Ferrell does an impression of actor and singer Robert Goulet, who is best known for his work in musical theater, but to younger audiences since the 1970s, his mid-20th century-style baritone voice and Vegas/Broadway mannerisms seem dated and give the impression of pretentiousness or egotism.
  • Jerry's Telethon: When Ferrell as Goulet first appears, he calls Stewart "Jerry" and says the benefit is for "muscular dysentery." The Jerry Lewis MDA Telethon, hosted by Jerry Lewis, has aired since 1966, and it benefits the Muscular Distrophy Association. Celebrities—such as Goulet—whose audiences tend to be older than Comedy Central's are often found on the Lewis telethon.
  • Oh! Calcutta!: Goulet says he is appearing in a travelling production of Oh! Calcutta!, in which he appears nude. Featuring pervasive nudity by every member of the cast, the avant-garde theatrical revue Oh! Calcutta! was a smash success Off-Broadway, on Broadway and in London's West End throughout the 1970s.
  • The Stephen & Melinda Gates Foundation: The oversized check Stephen Colbert presents is from the Stephen & Melinda Gates Foundation, from a recurring joke on The Colbert Report. In 2006, Microsoft founder Bill Gates announced he would retire as head of Microsoft and devote his time and his fortune—estimated to be the largest in the world—to the charitable foundation he had co-founded with his wife in 2000, the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation. Days later, the second-richest person in the world, Warren Buffett, announced he would donate $10 million a year to the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation. In response to these reports, on The Colbert Report, Colbert announced he was founding his own foundation, the "Stephen & Melinda Gates Foundation," although he has been vague as to which charities the foundation benefits and has implied its primary beneficiary is himself.
  • Mel Gibson: In July 2006, movie star Mel Gibson was arrested for drunk driving and made misogynist and anti-Semitic remarks. Throughout the summer and autumn of 2006, Gibson made public apologies for his behavior.
Donald Q. Cashington, Jr. III: I was formerly the owner of Tourette's syndrome. I recently lost the rights in a bidding war with Mr. Mel Gibson.
  • Prince: Fred Armisen impersonates Prince, one of the most successful and critically lauded pop stars of the 1980s, 1990s and 2000s, who was as famous for his eccentricities and androgyny as for his music.
  • Celebrities and Pop Culture in "Come Back": References in the lyrics of Triumph the Insult Comic Dog's song include:
    • Star Jones: Attorney Star Jones was a controversial co-hostess of the talk show The View until June 2006. In 2005, the National Enquirer claimed her husband, banker Al Reynolds, was homosexual, but the couple have denied this.
    • E.T.: The 1982 Steven Spielberg film E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial features an alien who has a short, stout body, a thin neck, a flat head and large eyes.
    • Kathie Lee: Kathie Lee Gifford was co-hostess of the talk show Live with Regis & Kathie Lee until 2000, when she dropped out of the public eye, most likely due to mean-spirited tabloid press reports regarding her children. Throughout the 1990s, Gifford hosted and sang in several musical variety specials, often Christmas specials, many with strong Christian themes.
    • Hootie & the Blowfish: Pop band Hootie & the Blowfish became popular in 1994 with the release of their multi-platinum debut album, Cracked Rear View. Their follow-up 1996 album, Fairweather Johnson, was nowhere near as successful, and subsequent albums have never approached the sales of Cracked Rear View.
    • Judd Nelson: Actor Judd Nelson became a star with his role in the 1985 teen drama The Breakfast Club as John Bender, the troubled bad boy spending a day in detention with kids from other cliques. By the 1990s, his film roles had dwindled.
    • Dell Dude: The "Dell Dude" was the nickname of a character named Steven from an ad campaign for Dell Computers portrayed by actor Ben Curtis, whose catchphrase was, "Dude, you're gettin' a Dell." The spots ran from 2000 until Curtis was arrested on marijuana charges in February 2003 and Dell ended his contract. Since then, Curtis has appeared in an Off-Broadway production of JOY (formerly entitled The Joy of Gay Sex.)
    • Sinbad: Light-skinned African-American actor and comedian Sinbad enjoyed commercial success but little critical success with his films and stand-up comedy specials in the 1990s. By 1997, his career had faltered from its early 90s peak.
    • Delta Burke: Actress and former beauty contest model Delta Burke became most famous for her role on the 1980s sitcom Designing Women, which starred Dixie Carter. Over the series' seven-season run, Burke would be noted for the wild seesawing of her weight. After her departure from Designing Women, Burke appeared in two failed sitcoms—Delta and Women of the House, a spin-off of Designing Women. (The man with Burke in the picture used in the segment is her husband, actor Gerald McRaney.)
    • John McEnroe Talk Show: Former tennis star John McEnroe was host of his own talk show, McEnroe on CNBC in 2004. The show was a ratings failure and earned a 0.0 share at least twice. It was cancelled before the year ended.
    • Ashlee Simpson: In April 2006, rumors circulated that pop star Ashlee Simpson had plastic surgery on her nose. Simpson has never denied these rumors. Her father and manager, Joe Simpson, has received criticism for his control of his daughters' careers and suggestive comments he has made regarding Ashlee and her sister Jessica.
    • Marion Barry: Marion Barry, Jr. served as mayor of Washington, DC from 1979 until 1991. In 1990, he was arrested after a sting operation which produced videotape showing him smoking crack cocaine. Despite his resignation, conviction and public disgrace, he won a seat on the city council in 1992, and in 1994, returned to the mayor's office for five more years, until scandals again damaged his political career.
    • Representative Mark Foley: Republican Mark Foley represented Florida's 16th district in the United States House of Representatives from 1995 until September 29, 2006, when he resigned after news came out he had exchanged sexually explicit e-mails and instant messages with male House pages under the age of eighteen.
    • Rip Taylor: Flamboyant, cartoonish actor and comedian Rip Taylor's trademarks include his handlebar moustache, high-pitched voice and habit of tossing confetti into the audience as he enters a theater. He enjoyed his greatest success in the 1970s, although he made TV and film appearances into the 21st century.


  • Jon Stewart: Why comedians for autism education? Well, who better to help a cause associated with social awkwardness and difficulty with interpersonal relationships than comedians?
  • Jerry Seinfeld: Why is every person on every phone machine still telling you to wait for the beep? "Wait for the beep!" It's the 21st goddamn century, folks. I think we're all up to speed on the beep.
  • Tony Sirico: Autism is a pervasive development disorder that affects millions of Americans. Let's cut its [bleeped] balls off.
  • Stephen Colbert: That we have the capacity to give so much of ourselves to others is, I think, what separates us humans from the animals. Sure, there are other things, like the fact that we don't shoot venom out of fangs.

External Sites