Red Dwarf/Stoke Me a Clipper

Stoke Me a Clipper
Season 7, Episode 2
Airdate	January 24, 1997
Written by	Doug Naylor, Paul Alexander
Directed by	Ed Bye
← 7x01 Tikka to Ride	7x03 → Ouroboros
Red Dwarf — Season Seven

Stoke Me a Clipper is the second episode of the seventh season of Red Dwarf, and the thirty-eighth episode overall.

Guest Stars: Chris Barrie ('Ace' Rimmer), Brian Cox (King of Camelot), Ken Morley (Captain Voorhese), Sarah Alexander (Queen of Camelot), John Thompson (Good Knight), Alison Senior (Princess Bonjella), Mark Lingwood (Gestapo Officer), Mark Calisle (Lieutenant)

Plot Overview

Somewhere in another universe, Ace Rimmer is saving a damsel in distress from evil Nazis (see below).

Meanwhile in this universe in the AR Suite aboard Starbug, Lister has forced Kryten into being his faithful manservant in a game simulation of Camelot. Kryten is not comfortable with the morality of the situation. Lister is going to use cheat codes to have sex somehow.

The AR Machine makes Camelot come alive, virtually indistinguishable from reality. Calling himself "Lister of Smeg," he challenges the King's best knight to a joust. The knight accepts.

The King asks his champion what he will claim as his prize. "I claim nothing, sire. Serving the king is reward enough." The King asks Lister the same question. Lister replies, "I claim, my lord, a night and a day in the bed of your good lady."

The King doesn't know what to make of such an audacious request. He repeats the question to himself trying to make sense of it. But before the King can answer, the Queen (a cute, young blonde with a French accent) jumps up and accepts the challenge. The King is unsure how to proceed, but at the Queen's urging, he reluctantly allows the challenge to proceed.

On the jousting field, the King's knight charges. Lister uses the first cheat code, which causes the knight's horse to suddenly become a miniature pony. With a sword Lister cuts off the knight's head as he passes him, sending it sailing into the King's lap.

Lister comes to claim his "prize". The Queen leaves the King's side and goes with Lister. As they walk to the tent, the King holds up a key and rants about how his lady will not be seduced. Lister confidently uses the second cheat code, and the Queen's chastity belt falls to the ground with a thud.

The two enter the tent, and in short order it begins shaking rhythmically. A flustered Kryten fidgets outside the tent, while the King calls upon Lister in the name of decency to return his Queen. But Lister isn't listening. He even has the nerve to ask for whipped cream.

Lister's fun is short-lived though. Starbug's power fluctuates causing the simulation to end. We see that Lister is wearing the AR machine's groinal attachment.

Lister and Kryten rush to the cockpit where sparks are flying and smoke fills the air. Ace Rimmer has dimension jumped dangerously close Starbug.

Ace Rimmer is back and our Rimmer can't stand him; but at the insistance of the others, he shows Ace to his quarters where they have a little chat. Ace is a hard-light hologram just like he is.

Ace confides to Rimmer that he is not the same Ace Rimmer that they first met in Dimension Jump; and that Ace Rimmer was not the first either. Ace Rimmer is not a single person. When one Ace dies, he recruits his replacement from a parallel dimension. All Ace Rimmers (in any dimension) start out as caterpillars and end up as butterflies. Ace is dying, and he has come in order to make our Arnold Rimmer into the next Ace Rimmer.

Later after training session, Ace uses a hard-light remote to alter our Rimmer's appearance so that he now looks like Ace. Then he hands over the toupee -- Ace's blonde hair is a toupee!

A short time later our Rimmer (looking like Ace) walks past the AR Suite. The door opens and a knight emerges looking for "Lister of Smeg". The knight attacks Rimmer, forcing him backward across the room. Rimmer grabs a bazookoid and fires several shots, killing the knight. Unknown to our "Ace", the bazookoid was loaded with blanks, and the knight was Lister dressed up.

Overjoyed, Rimmer runs back to the real Ace to tell him about it, and how that was the most heroic thing he'd done since he set fire to "Stinky" Bateman's turn-ups as a child. Ace manages to tell him how proud he is before his light bee fizzles out and he vanishes. Ace Rimmer is dead.

Lister knows what actually happened, and helps "Ace" keep up appearances. He explains to the others that a knight got loose from the AR unit and killed Rimmer. Now everyone thinks Rimmer is dead.

They have a funeral for him -- Arnold Rimmer, but it's actually Ace -- casting the diminutive casket containing the failed light bee out into space, so that it can home in on the final resting place of all the other Ace Rimmers. That place is a planet, and around that planet is a ring composed of countless Ace Rimmer caskets, glowing softly. Lister asks him, "Are you really gonna be the one to break the chain?"

He takes up the Role of Ace Rimmer, boards his ship. Ready to leave, he shouts to the others, "Stoke me a clipper, I'll be back for Christmas!" He then accidentally fires the ejection seat, launching himself through the air and landing next to the others once more. And with rare but promising smoothness, "Ace" saves face saying, "Just had to say one last goodbye!" Then our Rimmer-become-Ace leaves Starbug forever.

Arc Advancement

Characters

• Our Rimmer works up the nerve to become the next Ace Rimmer and leave Starbug. Quite an accomplishment for him.

Trivia

The Show

• The plane Ace Rimmer escapes from appears to be a Luftwaffe HE-111 bomber.
• The Getstapo Officer's alligator's name is Snappy.
• The Princess Bonjella asks Ace to call her Beryl.
• When playing the AR game Camelot, Lister uses cheat codes:
  • Cheat 1: codeword steedcheat
  • Cheat 2: codeword chastitycheat
• Ace refers the Cat to his hair stylist:

Astro Cuts

Theta Sector

Dimension 24

... ask for Alphonse

Allusions and References

• Lister uses cheat codes in the AR game, Camelot.
• Princess Bonjella's name is strikingly similar to a leading brand of teething gel in the UK.
• While fighting snappy, Ace wishes he had a bottle of Listerine mouthwash.
• Flying with Ace through a simulation of a snow-filled valley, Rimmer makes a reference to Maria von Trapp.
• During Rimmer's eulogy, Lister declares that "Alexander the Great's Chief Eunuch has finally joined his master."

Memorable Moments

In the cockpit of a Luftwaffe bomber: a pilot, a Nazi Lieutenant, and a Gestapo officer petting an alligator. Somewhere, five minutes from now, a girl will be executed.

Ace Rimmer steps into the cockpit. Irritated, the Gestapo officer calmly, asks how he escaped. Ace responds matter-of-factly, "Just had to dislocate both shoulders, pop 'em behind my ears and slip between the ropes."

The Gestapo officer orders his Lieutenant to throw Ace off the plane (see quotes below). But Ace wrests a gun from the Lieutenant, and shoots him and the pilot. But before Ace can shoot the Gestapo officer, he throws his alligator at Ace, knocking him into the hold.

Donning the last parachute aboard, the Gestapo officer cheerfully lights a bundle of dynamite, tosses it into the back of the hold, and jumps out. Unable to reach the dynamite while wrestling with the alligator, Ace grabs a rope and slides out of the plane just before it explodes.

Far below, still free falling, the Gestapo officer smugly eulogizes, "Goodbye Ace Rimmer! You were a most worthy adversary!" He pauses to look upward and is astonished to see Ace Rimmer standing on the alligator air surfing!

The Gestapo officer fires several shots, missing each time. Ace's aim is a bit better. He locks the alligators jaws on the Nazi's head, steals his parachute, and lets him fall; whereupon Ace shouts, "See you later alligator!"

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Later Ace frees the Princess Bonjella, rescuing her from the firing squad (see quotes).

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Two German soldiers watch as Ace is flying away. One of them recognizes Ace and says to the other (in German) that they are lucky to be alive. Just as he finishes his words, an alligator drops out of the sky onto their heads.

Quotes

• In the Luftwaffe bomber, the Gestapo officer is giving orders to his Lieutenant regarding Ace Rimmer ...

Take him into the hold. Take ten minutes to explain all of our plans to him, and then ... throw him out of the plane.

• After freeing the Princess Bonjella from the firing squad -- with the Nazis still shooting at him -- Ace brings his motorbike to a halt beside the princess:

Princess Bonjella ... Ace Rimmer. There'll be time for explanations later ... and hopefully ... some sex.

The princess smiles, overjoyed, and gets on the bike.

• After his daring rescue of the Princess Bonjela, Ace sky-writes "Smoke me a kipper, I'll be back for breakfast" on the sky for all to see.

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